drama mamas.

hay hay hayyyy.
happy humpday!

first off, i’m pretty sad to see that i got zero feedback about the use of real, preserved bodies for an exhibit.
come onnnnnn people, it’s an interesting and controversial topic!
i would still like to to hear some opinions, so you can comment on this post or even email me at jaymenickel@hotmail.com. hearing from readers makes my day.

secondly, i’m sorry i haven’t been as present in the blogworld as i once was.
i think the reason is that my enthusiasm for healthy living blogs is definitely going down. there seems to be a lot of unnecessary drama that goes on in blogworld.

speaking of blog drama, after reading this marie claire article (which sparked tons of immature comments from healthy living blog lovers and haters), i’m starting to think i mayyyyy have been been affected by some of the blogs i read.

i think they’re a great resource, and some are very inspiring. i don’t think they’re triggering or a negative influence at all.
if i hadn’t discovered HLBs, i probably never would have started running, and i doubt i would know the wonders of Greek Yogurt.

BUT.

i think women are born with the uncontrollable impulse to compare themselves to other women.
just kidding, that’s probably just me.
i’ll read about someone’s “short and slow” run, see that it’s 6 miles long at a 10 minute/mile pace or more.
my “short and slow” run would be like… 2 miles and 12 minute/mile pace. or just not getting off the couch.

i can’t stop my brain from going “wow. i have a lot of work to do before i can catch up to so-and-so.”
i can angrily shove the thought out of my head after i’ve already thought it, but the damage is done.
for a split second, i feel like no matter what progress i’ve made, i’m not good enough.
it doesn’t occur to me that so-and-so is marathon training and i only started running this summer, all i can think of is that i’m just not that fit or strong or fast.

that negativity is chased out by Positive Penelope right away, but still.
i never want to feel like i’m not good enough the way i am.

oddly enough, shortly after i figured this out, my enthusiasm for food blogs began to waiver.
to be completely honest, i’m probably afraid to read something that will shatter my self-esteem.
i just want to make it clear that this is NOT the fault of any bloggers. they are awesome, healthy and beautiful women. its not a bad thing that they can run like the wind for 6 miles and call it “short and slow”. it’s my own brain, a little screwed up from disordered eating, making these comparisons that i can’t really control.

ah well. if i have to ‘mark as read’ a few food blogs in order to keep my confidence in shape, so be it.

here are a few other things that have been taking my mind off of blogworld:

finding new recipes for jordan to make for supper!
such as baked ziti.


and chef salad.


getting two new books from costco for 8 bucks each. woooooo!


i’m 20 years old and i love reading vampire books. sorry, but i’m not sorry.

and getting a cute new shirt!
i ordered this from fANNEtasticfood.com.


this is what having 34E boobs does to all my shirts.


all. of. them.

oh well. i love my big womanly boobs! 97% of the time.
the other 3% is for when they make writing on my shirts look funny, and when i have to buy $60 sports bras so i don’t give myself a black eye when running.

i’m also on a mission to lose my last 10 pounds, which has kept me pretty busy, but that’s a post for another day.
just so nobody panics, i am definitely not trying to lose the 10 pounds because i’m comparing myself to another slim n’ trim blogger. i know better than to look at a blogger’s weight, if they have it posted, because that is a guaranteed trigger for me.

have you lost your “last 10 pounds”, or in the middle of losing them? if so, i’d love to hear about it! my e-mail is at the top of the post. or just comment, whatever floats your boat.

do you think you’ve been affected by food blogs negatively, at all?

off to do some yoga and more reading. woooo, i love reading!

toodles. 🙂

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